Knitting Ambitions and Pregnancy
I’m now over 35 weeks pregnant. I will have a new newborn in about a month. I can hardly believe it.
I had excited ambitions for this pregnancy, including:
- get a whole bunch of Yarn Birdy patterns pre-designed and finished so that I could keep rolling them out without a break when the new baby is here.
- knit myself an awesome soft and warm cardigan to wrap my enormous belly in in all day every day.
- Baby Knits!!! Sweaters, vests, hats, blankets toys…
But then I was hit by all the realities of pregnancy. Every woman and every pregnancy is different, but for me, for this pregnancy, day in, day out, I felt exhausted. I expected the exhaustion in the first trimester (along with that wondrous nausea!), but as the weeks rolled by and I entered the second trimester, I kept waiting for the exhaustion to lift just like the nausea finally had. Although I had a day or two of energy every once in a while, the exhaustion never really left for long. And it’s just gotten stronger in this final stage.
All this means that, for the past 9 months, I was barely able to stay on top of very basic life and knitting goals; forget all my big ambitions! At first, this was intensely frustrating to me. A voice in my head kept telling me I had do do all things now because I really wouldn’t have the energy or time when the new baby was around. Plus, this may be my last pregnancy, aka my last chance to wrap my pregnant belly in the perfect hand-knit cardigan. Might be my last baby, aka my last newborn to cuddle in miles of cute hand-knits. I was seriously panicking about these things, which the more logical side of my brain new were small and silly.
I haven’t created any newborn knits (yet… I do still have a month, and I did complete an entire blanket in about 8 days in the post-due date impatience of waiting for my last baby to arrive). I never did make that pregnancy-friendly perfect cardigan, and I’m pretty much letting this goal go. And preparing designs in advance for Yarn Birdy, well sorry all you eagerly awaiting customers, I found that I couldn’t work that way.
But I’ve realized that all this is okay. I am experiencing this amazing thing called pregnancy, and pretty soon I’ll have a second baby, crying, cooing, cuddling and playing. I have no idea how I’ll feel physically and mentally. Maybe I’ll have more energy than I expect. Or maybe it will be harder than I expect and I will have to be satisfied with only a couple stollen stitches a day. I’ll deal with that when it comes. For now, I can only live this phase that I’m in, this phase of intense exhaustion. Enjoy the knitting I can do, postpone or let go of the projects that don’t happen.
(Photos from my Panda Bear Sweater project, that I’m knitting for my toddler. Over the past two weeks, I’ve completed the front and the back, and one sleeve. I’m on the second sleeve.)